She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
