My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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