We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
