true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
