I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Watching her eat just hurts me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
