new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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