She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
