I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
