i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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