Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
