The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
