just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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