Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I smell stomach acid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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