Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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