I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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