I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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