i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
