I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
