I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
