awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
