We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
