wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
