just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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