this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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