dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
