i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
