don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We smell like vodka and hangover
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