She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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