On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
