You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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