Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
