What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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