your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is classic penis vs brain.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
