We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
