Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
