Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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