Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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