Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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