UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
