I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I smell like Dick and happiness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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