so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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