Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
