nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
why is half of my head shaved?
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