id be glad to
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
