why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
