she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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