so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
