I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
