Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
