I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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