I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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