I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
