we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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